i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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