Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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