i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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