He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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