Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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