areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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