I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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