just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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