If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I fill condoms, not promises.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
