I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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