There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
