just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
