I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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