i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
