am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
