You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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