He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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