Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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