just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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