I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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