Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
