She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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