dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
