The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
