he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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