I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
