I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
