Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
