you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
