there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
