i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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