My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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