It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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