Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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