If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
