WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
