My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize