Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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