HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize