I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
