Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
