You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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