im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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