he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
