How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
