I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
