I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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