Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
