she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
