you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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