I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
