Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
