i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
