pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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