One girl and one boy is just not enough.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
