I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
