Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
