bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
