Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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