I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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