Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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