I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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