We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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