just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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