So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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